Horror Central: The Funhouse Massacre

I'll give the movie this. It did live up to it's title. There was a funhouse and there was a massacre.....yet the killers were a little pathetic.

Don't get me wrong the movie does a good job in playing up the old school horror tropes and I love the fact that there's practical blood and gore. While the killers had a very cool build up and their backstories were neat I personally find them to be too much hype and not enough back up. Unfortunately, they got by because their victims were....idiots.

I mean they were killing people in full display yet the people took their sweet ass time to put two and two together and say "HOLY SHIT! THIS IS FUCKING REAL!!!!!"

The psychos could be holding a sign up that reads : "We really are killers, dumb shits" and they'd still believe it's all part of the show.

But that ain't the tip of the stupid iceberg. The movie seems to have one particular character that honestly took me out of the movie. The Idiot Cop. There is a name for this kind of character, he's called The Jar Jar. He's the comic relief character that you're supposed to laugh with but instead you just want him to die horribly. On both occasions I've been rooting for the psycho clown to kill him. To his credit he wasn't an asshole character. He was just your typical bumbling cop who probably would have worked better in a bumbling cop movie. But never in a horror movie!!!

I've seen The Fool characters like him before. But most of the time they're endering. Like Marty from Cabin In The Woods. It helps that Marty can be surprisingly smart when he has to be.

But what really pissed me off was how he outlived this badass lady cop during the final act. I was like....ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!!!! And he survived Rocco, twice. He even succeeded in putting him down. And got a one liner afterwards. He wishes he were John McClane.

I just find it interesting that these psychos succeeded in killing so many people but they couldn't kill this one character whose so stupid that he'd trip into some death trap. Ugh!

There is one character that I like though. Machete! He was a comic relief character done right. For one, he isn't a fucking dumbass. The guy was surprisingly genre savvy. He didn't go with the group to that funhouse because he had a bad vibe about the place. The only reason he went back was because he encountered one of the Funhouse victims. And from that point on he took several levels of badass! Also, he survived!

I like that the main characters have surprisingly heroic traits. Like how the main girl saved the victim from that dentist. Least till dumbass cop shot the victim. *bangs head on desk* And when members of their crew died they actually gave a shit. I'd even credit dumbass cop in feeling bad when his partner died. That motivated him to kill Rocco.

So overall I give the movie a D+. Nice old school horror callbacks and good characters who gave a shit if someone died and would actually try to save someone. Too bad it was weight down by an unnecessary dumb comic relief and psycho killers who were appallingly incompetent. Say what you will about some of the Heads in 31 but at least they get the job done. Well Doom-Head does anyway.